"Because you loved me" a poem from a child to their parent

This morning I awoke to a message on my Facebook page from an amazing man I have known for over 30 years.  He was sharing that his mother had passed away in the early hours of the morning.  There is no greater loss in this life than when a parent or a child are separated by death. 


Below is a poem that was made into a song, several years ago.  If you read this poem "with fresh eyes" as it is written, you will find that it is written of the love a parent has given a child.   This child is saying, in words only they can, of the gift of unconditional love and what it has meant to them.  I read this at my dad's funeral in 2005 and it truly was and is how he changed my life "because he loved me".


"Because You Loved Me"

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Can you describe yourself in SIX words?

"Sure your life story could fill a thousand pages, but, sometimes a few words are all you need."

It is a challenge to define ourselves and as women we seem to be drawn to do it more and more as we progress thru life.

I recently posted on my Facebook wall the challenge of:

 "Can you define yourself in six words?"

The one of the two responses that I got back were "I am proud of my self".  (yes, it fits as it is the 6 words)  The response is perfect for the person who wrote it.  She has overcome odds and has set goals for herself and completed them with grace under immense pressure of life.  She has been someone I admire, even though we now live thousands of miles away.  She has introduced me to interesting and diverse people from around the world and I now count some of them as close friends. All of this from sitting in a cublicle next to each other one summer in a office.

The second response was one of "No I can not do that (six words).When she posted that I paused and thought, does she mean that there is too much to be held in six words or that she was giving up?  Which to me is amazing as she is embarking on writing a book. She is a mother of 3. Has a marriage that so many would envy with a man that works with her to achieve anything together from the kids to the extended relatives, he is on board.  (Yes, she is one very lucky woman.)

I found the answers so compelling.

My two friends are perfect examples of women in different stages of life.  One is single and works in a office the other is a at home, mother of three and has finished her advanced degree and is now embarking on a new career on her own terms.  But each one defines herself so differently.  One willingly agrees that she cannot define whom she is in only 6 words as she is greater than that.  The other captures whom she is, totally and fully by acceptance of the whole, very simply, in the six words.

Yes, like the phrase above states, we can fill thousands of pages with accounts and events showing how we became to be the person that we are, but, does that truly define WHO we are?

Which started me thinking.  Who am I? And am I really who I think I am?  Do I do what I say I embody?

I know how I got from a small Northern New York state town to where I live today.  The jobs, marriage and choices in life.  Some people have a tendency to just flow from issue to issue.  I have made some choices and not "gone along for the ride".  At times I have looked back at those choices and said, "was that really the right thing to do?"  My answer is still "yes".

My father was very insistent in that "if you are making a choice, don't make a choice that you might even have a small feeling of regret with."  "If the words "I am going to regret this" are running around in your head, look for another solution."  He was so right and I have lived a fortunate life based on following his advise.  I feel that my siblings have as well.

So, if part of me follows the process of not doing anything that I might regret and our actions are what define us.  Do I do what I say and think I am?  Do we do this as human beings or are we becoming more like the "media or public figures" which so often do not do what is right, but, do what is right for their personal gain.  (Hence the John Edwards type of people of this world.)

Can I describe myself in six words?  Yes.  I think I can.  Will it encompass all of me and my many facets?  No.  I am sure it will not, but, it will be a small description of whom I personify and should be a reflection of the actions I make and take in this world.

Mother, passionate, please-r,eloquent, intelligent, protector.

I know that I am so much more. Hence why, I think that the mom whom responded answered that she could not describe herself in 6 words.  I could use at least 10 words to describe my faults, but, like all people we like to hide them.  Like the gray hair that creeps onto our scalp year after year some of us embrace it and let it become the shining crown that dominates or we implore camouflage techniques and color it or blend it to alter our appearance.  I am not so lucky in having that personality to embrace my gray, I have a tendency to color or blend it in with my hair.  (gotta love home hair coloring products!)  I do acknowledge my faults, but, will not be advertising them anytime soon.  I find that to be a self preservation technique instead of a "cover up" as like most women, I know too well, my faults and what they do to me and others, even if we do not admit them outloud.

   Can you describe yourself in six words?  

 "Sure your life story could fill a thousand pages, but, sometimes a few words are all you need."

So, will you take the challenge? I would love to see them.  Place them in the comment section below!

The Garden Path and the unusual gift at the end

Have you ever been led down the garden path?   Definitions for this type of experience are as follows: "meaning "to be misled". To deceive, Earthly delights which come to an end.  He led her down the Primrose path, until he grew tired of her.  


I am sure we all have at one time or another been led down a garden path.  Trust of others is a important part of life.  Without it, we could not build those blocks which make us whom we are and we would not have absorbed all the "good stuff" that our parents tried so desperately to teach us at one time or another.


I find that the garden path is filled with lessons.  


Fairy tales are a perfect example...  The ugly side of the "step sisters" of Cinderella (you know that they were good inside, right? LOL  Just think of the current TV show GBC on the ABC in the US)  Rumpelstiltskin, the con man who gets the princess to agree to take a barter or kidnap a child for his payoff.  Hansel & Gretel who's sweet tooth lead them to trust a cannibal. (ain't the Grimm brothers cool!)  Little Red Riding Hood, who met a wolf in Gramma's clothing (hey, even cross dressers deserve a good meal.  Just look at the hunky Eddie Izzard!) 
All of these started with trust.  Trust of a parent, mentor or teacher, grown up, adult in disguise.  As a child, we are often misled down a path and told it is for another reason as were all the children in these fairy tales.  Grimm ones indeed. Eeks!


Earthly delights which come to an end.  What is the greatest earthly delight?  Many of us would choose chocolate or another sensory food which brings great pleasure.  But, in my opinion, it is Love. Chocolate is good when love it not around, but, still second place.  My favorite quote is  “Love is the exchange of two fantasies and the contact of two skins.”—Chamfort  When love is present, the single touch of a spouses hand can make the issues of the day seem so small.  When you kiss them, there is a connection that fills you and makes you feel comforted, adored and charged with an electricity that only a woman would know.  With time all infatuation fades, but, this bond of love, when it is found and consistently cultivated is a earthly delight beyond all others.  (and I did not even get to big O idea!!)  When we trust in love, we find the greatest reward.  A gift we give to ourselves is working toward the same goal with another human being.  Usually one who does not think like we do, but, endures our slings and arrows just the same.  That is truly a trusting person extending of themselves.  When that trust we knew and counted on comes to a end.  Either by divorce or the loss of our loved one, we have to build and hope that we can find that in another person.  We truly feel we have been led down a garden path in this trial.  But, we cannot lose sight of the gift that we had or were given during that time.  We cannot forget the gift of love that is beyond price and is worth our extension of ourselves and the ability to trust.  Even when the pain seems to be more that you are able to bear, the love that you are grieving for was what makes that pain so great.


In the office or work environment walking down the garden path is part of the politics of offices or businesses that have more than a 1 person office. As a new employee you feel out the office and trust that what you are being told is the truth, until you learn that it is not.  Hopefully not being told by your boss!  (that always ends up being bad.)                                                           


Ruyard Kipling's Rikki Tikki Tavi is a favorite story of mine which is a perfect example of trust in it's purest form.  Realizing that the mongoose whom was loved so by his family would protect them to the death, shows us the trust and love that is shared between this animal and his family.  An extension of trust by the parents and shared by the animal that would not be present if the animal was living in the jungle.  We as humans do this as well.  I find it to be rarer in the current time, but, yet I remember hearing stories of men in the 40's and 50's who were pillars of their community and whom embodied this type of honor and trust in their fellow man.


Yet over and over again we extend ourselves.  We step out of our comfort zone for the need to accomplish something, learn how to navigate in this world (with or without the Grimm brothers) or the desire of a relationship.  If we stop and do not extend ourselves, we surely will be alone walking down the path that we have started on and miss out on all the gifts that life has to offer.  Gifts of expected life lessons or the unexpected gift of love.  I don't want to miss out, do you?

Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today but, eventually

In 2004 I said this to my self over and over.  With the passage of time, I have repeatedly tried to calm my inner being and state that "Everything is going to be alright."

We each have roles in life that we play.  We feel that we are "fixers", "Pleasers" (most mom's are) or "Doers" (The ones that have to be the ones with hands on and being in control of it all.)

Tonight, I find myself in a situation where I cannot cover the issues with that phrase anymore.  When I after almost 10 years have started to contemplate actions I have avoided for so long.  Don't worry I am not going ballistic, kicking, screaming or running thru the streets or acting like the news anchor in the movie "Network" screaming at the top of my lungs "I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore."  Although, I probably should be according to my friends. (without the bullet to the head.)

As a "pleaser and fixer" in my previous marriage I was a "super flex" and bent like a willow tree to assure that success in my marriage was assured.  I found that was the worst thing I could have done.  Finding that I started to lose myself and what made me what I am.  Who I was, became a shadow.  I even wore more gray and black than a woman in NYC!  I vowed that would never again become that person again who forgot who I am.

Ok, I am not writing a Debbie Downer post here, but, what I am doing is trying to balance what is right for me and how to protect whom I am as a person and raise my child outside of the stress of parenting with a non-cooperative and often aggressive co parent.  That in itself is a major act and keep the investment in whom I am and the part of me that I want to retain that "me" part of me.

Balance.  Do you balance too?  We as women are asked by the media so many times to balance our exercise and wear a size 2.  Balance our diet, to assure that size 2.  Balance working a full time job and caring for a family.  Balancing a relationship with a man or spouse within a incredibly busy, rush, rush, hurry, hurry world.  Today, I found myself frustrated with trying to maintain all that "balance.

Which begs the question.  "Is it ok to not want a balance?"  "Is it ok to want to retain who we are or were before the child came along or the marriage went under?"  I am not advocating to behave as I did when I was in my 20's or 30's, but, I am advocating the idea, should I retain the "essence" of whom I am and my core belief?  "and how do I do that, when the world seems to be falling down around me?"

Is it ok to have days where those feelings of "maybe not today?"

No matter how much doubt I have in tomorrow.  No matter how much pain I feel from my uncooperative co-parent tonight.  I find that one look in my son's eyes.  One glimpse of his smile.  One beaming shining moment from his face in a success or a triumph of completing a task or a physical event that he did not believe he would do, makes every moment that is "maybe not" wonderful, the reason I endure and worth enduring.

So, tonight as I write this, I pray that others will see the light.  That my strength, which seems to have abandoned me today, will return and that tomorrow, eventually things will be alright.